We Are Moving

December 7, 2011, @ 5:04 am Leave a comment

We are moving my friends! Those of you who have subscribed to e-mail should get a notification automatically so we certainly hope you’ll follow all our new incarnations.

Don’t Quit Your Daycast is where you’ll be able to find us from this day forth.

We’ll be doing a new podcast from that site and you can subscribe via RSS feed. I’ve also begun the process of getting the show on iTunes so you’ll (hopefully) be able to subscribe to it there soon if you prefer.

This is another step in my process of learning stand up & continuing with my writing. This blog has been fun & it’s done what I wanted it to do, which was to help me learn to write comedy well. I’ve been told on several occasions that the writings good. Which is nice but I get the nagging feeling that now we need to concentrate on performance is the subtext between the lines of those comments. Which is also cool! We’ve gotta move forward or we become something else’s food source.

Remember, in addition to our new podcasting & blog site, you can also follow more stuff on Twitter @EdWallick. The pods Twitter feed @DontQuitYourDay (the Cast wouldn’t fit, you must acquit. Yeah I said it.) & we’ll always follow you back.

Thanks for reading now come on over, take off your shoes, put up your feet, take a drink (or whatever if your in Cali) & then listen and laugh for a change.

#DreamFunny

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7 Billion and Counting But Gay Marriage Threatens the Species…

October 31, 2011, @ 3:49 pm Leave a comment

There are now 7 billion people on this planet, yet even with those odds I can’t find a undocumented maid that won’t drink my liquor.

I mean come on 7 billion people… More alien abductions & sightings than any time in our recorded history…. I’d advise you all to stock up on ammo we’re ripe for the harvest….  That’s why we’re getting plumper as a species,.. like cattle going to market.

If it weren’t for Catholicism’s ‘out breed em all’ policy there wouldn’t be 7 billion people & Puss in Boots wouldn’t have been # 1 in the box office the week it premiered.

My problem with Catholic people isn’t that I think I’m smarter than them, I know I am…  The problem is they breed & put helmets on their children.

There are 7 billion people on this planet but if your gay in America they don’t want you to get married because it ‘threatens the species’…  Really?

If your gay you can’t get married because it threatens the ‘sanctity’ of marriage,..  but Thank god Kim Kardashian was able to get married AND have her divorce within 72 days so the current season didn’t have to end with a cliff hanger…

Kim Kardashian’s marriage really recalls those great Hollywood relationships of old doesn’t it?… I mean who’s not thinking Hepburn & Tracy right now, so romantic!!

Titanic was longer, both the film & the actual sinking of the ship…  Which was, unlike her marriage breaking up, an actual, verifiable, real and tragic event.

Cheaters and the cheating cheaters that let them cheat…

May 8, 2011, @ 6:51 pm Leave a comment

Obama’s choices have revealed his genius, Hillary makes perfect sense now. Who better to help us get over Pakistan cheating on us all along.

The President knew Osama was in Pakistan all the way back in 2006. He’s been around, he knows when a brothers cheating.

Pakistan needs to be careful, we have a female Sec. of State. If they push her too far she’ll drive all the way over there in a diaper for retribution.

I’ve gotta admit it would be fun seeing Hillary try to take down Pakistan with a roofie in the airport parking garage like Dexter though.

Filed for the next time we kill Osama…

May 2, 2011, @ 9:43 am Leave a comment

So apparently Osama Bin Laden was shot, but he was dead to me 10 years ago.

Hmm, US Navy Seals kill Osama & my daughters Kindle ships… Coincidence?

Hey has anyone heard from @OsamaBinLaden this evening? His twitter feed has been quiet since this afternoon.

If Osama had been killed during a GOP Administration his corpse would already be @ a taxidermist being prepped for the 2012 campaign.

So Osama is dead! That means gas prices start to drop & we get all our civil rights back tomorrow morning right?

Just out of curiosity, exactly which unwarranted wire tap in the continental US led to Osama’s hiding place in Pakistan?

The fact that Osama was killed within 2 miles of a Radio Shack really says a lot about their liberal return policy.

Right now, 72 Dungeon Masters are beating the shit out of Osama Bin Laden in Jannah (Muslim Heaven).

My favorite part about the Osama death coverage in the US is that the Girls Gone Wild crew is also filming in the same crowds.

Osama has been buried at sea because the US Govt is hoping more Muslims will make the pilgrimage down 2 nautical miles voluntarily.

Osama’s family is despondent this morning over their decision to try & get him help by inviting the show Hoarders to the compound.

The Gov’t won’t tell you what technology Obama was using to track the Osama Bin Laden mission, but I can tell you there’s an app for that.

Cheney is claiming the Osama death coverage is all a lie, says he shot Osama in the face on a hunting trip back in ’06.

Article Link for Asylum Improv Show

October 14, 2010, @ 4:37 pm 3 comments

Article about the Improv Show I was in last week: http://tinyurl.com/2brzc5u

Filed for the next environmental disaster…

October 14, 2010, @ 3:40 pm 1 comment

What does a comic do with all their old Oil Spill jokes?

Well you type them up and file them away for the next time a scum bag billionaire & his company try and destroy ocean or any other large body of water.   To follow are 26 jokes I wrote regarding the BP Oil Spill, they are in the order written so there is not really a developed bit here it’s just the jokes:

1-BP has decided to let the oil leak flow until next Earth Day when they will shut it down as part of their new “Green Initiative”…

2-British Citizens are angry with American’s for ruining their pensions, which is ok with us, personally I’m still pretty resentful about Hugh Grant & Amy Winehouse still having a career…

3- James Cameron & Kevin Costner both claim to have the solutions to resolving & cleaning up the Oil Spill, which is nice but where were they when McCain picked Sarah Palin as a running mate?…

4-Al Gore recently stated that scientist feel Sarah Palins Oil Spill “Tweets” are further proof of the hole in the ozone layer,… in her head,… if fluid levels continue to rise on her brain we may have to evacuate the coastal cities soon…

5-BP spin Dr’s are saying this years active hurricane season is good news, look forward to more rainbows in the southeast than in previous years & BONUS, lighter fluid will no longer be required for beach BBQ’s…

6-Surfers around the Gulf Coast are mourning the fact that, possibly for years, they won’t be able to pretend they actually surf…

7-The fact that BP is injecting all this dispersant right into the oil when we don’t know what it’s long term effect will be is also worrisome, maybe we could just pre-coat all the marine life with it to quickly pass the testing phase & save a few critters at the same time…

8-Beach Blanket Bingo would be a much darker film if the made it in Florida today,…  Not because of the oil spill but because Annette Funicello would just lie there in it like a dying seal…

9-Divers in the Florida Keys are all looking towards what the oil spill will do when it reaches the reef,… they’re too colorful & full of diverse life as they are & many divers miss that paved parking lot look while submerged…

10-The Miami Dolphins are considering moving their team,.. apparently since the oil spill there isn’t enough oxygen in the water even in Miami,…  seriously, the Kardashians beached themselves last week…

11-The Tampa Bay Buccaneers & the NFL are looking forward to a themed promotion with BP this season, they’ll be setting the Bay on fire just like pirates did back in the ‘good old days’…

12-Is it just me or does seeing all these oil soaked & coated animals pulled from the Gulf of Mexico make any of you want Long John Silvers too?… I haven’t wanted it in years, but an oily piece of cod would go down like a Lincoln Log (sprinkle covered turd, poppy farm in Istanbul) right about now…

13-I’m starting to get sick of picking on BP though, are any of you feeling like we’re becoming the mean girls in the shower throwing tampons at Carrie yelling “Plug it up, Plug it up!”,…  Obama is like the Coach holding everyone back saying, “Be nice now you girls”,… Cheney & Halliburton are the uber religious Mommy locking BP up in the closet & making it pray all the time…

14-The Gulf Coast Board of Tourism is telling visitors they can look forward to at least 4 more colors in their sunsets this year…

15-The State of Florida is working with corporate sponsors to try & contain the oil spill, they will be airlifting 50 million pounds of Gas-X & dropping it into the Gulf… because it stops gas before it starts…

16-Perhaps instead of a dispersant BP should start putting in some kind of solidifying agent,… Then we could just pull all that oil off the Gulf like a giant pudding skin…

17-Tourism in Nebraska & Kansas is expected to be up this year,… they haven’t had a corn oil spill or a deep well soy bean drilling accident in that area for years…

18-I’ll bet if there was some damned kid from Texas stuck in that blown oil well in the Gulf we’d have a lot better TV coverage…

19-One of the signs that New Orleans never recovered from Katrina is that when the oil spill started there weren’t enough hookers left in the area to blow the well & contain the damage…

20-Maybe it’s time the government & BP called in Long John Silver to consult on the oil spill clean up…  Have you ever been behind one of those restaurants?…  Now there’s an environmental disaster… as well as a serous slip & fall lawsuit waiting to happen…

21-I think BP may be waiting for Superman to fly over & blow all the oil back into the well like he did in Superman III: The Search for a Script…

22-There may finally be a scientific explanation for some of Sarah Palins stupider comments from the campaign trail,… I mean other than inbreeding,… Since the oil spill in the Gulf, people all along the coast have been saying they can see Russia from there…

23-BP was saying that tar balls washing ashore in the Gulf is “normal”,… their absolutely right…  & they’ve been “normal” in the Gulf ever since the same company had an oil rig blow & do the same thing & leak for 8 months into the Gulf of Mexico back in the 70′s,…  Just like with Clinton you have to define what “normal ” is correctly to understand… Just like anal sex is “normal” since the video explosion of the 80′s…

24-I’m not too worried for the oil spill clean up workers health, residents of Alaska did the same jobs after the Exxon Valdez & they had normal lives after…  sure there were a few flipper babies & they elected Sarah Palin as Governor,.. But it’s getting better, you can see Alaskan optimism in their new state motto: “She Resigned!”…

25-Since the oil spill BP has aquired the rights to some of the Disney characters for their upcoming clean up advertising campaign,.. We should be seeing those Tar Babies from ‘Songs of the South’ on TV again soon,.. Yeah I’m beginning to think  BP may not really “get us” as a nation…

26-I look at the CEO of BP on TV & I just really wonder, “Do you think it hurt when his soul was removed rectally?”… I hope it involved some really big tool with lots of spikes,… like one of those knives the bad guys used in ‘Cobra’…

Flailing about miserably in the land of hipsters…

September 16, 2010, @ 3:27 pm 1 comment

OK, so August was a total wash out that did not go as planned.   But we shall get back on track.

Sad to say (for you not them) that my family comes first and I’ve had issues over the past month and a half which prevented me from attaining my goal of getting out 5 nights a week by the end of August.  I kind of set that bar high anyway, but I’ll keep working for it till I get to it.

Twitter has kind of become a new home for me to post short ideas as they come into my head, so be sure to follow me there or keep your eye on the stuff to your right over there ——->

I’m going to also be trying something new with my Twitter.  I’ll be having regular joke topics defined by the hashtag (#).  The 3 I currently have are #FailedFranchiseIdeas, #ProofYourAloneInTheUniverse & #JennyCraigsLostWeekends.  Each will be for a different day of the week, so I’ll be working on coming up with 2 more I like for the other 2 days, Monday thru Friday.

I’m also going to be posting back here at least once per week with new stuff I’m writing again.  I don’t see any point in not posting for the people who actually DO read my stuff, considering that’s all I’m able to provide at this point.

Also I do have an Improv show scheduled for Saturday Oct. 9th at The Spindrift Theater in Pacifica, CA. 8pm with Asylum.

Last if your in the area you may see me trolling around the Golden Gate Park for the San Francisco Comedy Day.  Be sure to check it out they have a bunch of great comics including Will Durst.   The shows start Sunday Sept. 19th 2010 at 12pm to 5pm.

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