Fear and Loathing your doodie in San Francisco…

Oh my…   it’s to be 63 degrees (F) for a high today….  rough…  I love this place I’ve moved too, especially after having been sentenced to live in the south for roughly 20 years…  Living in Florida is like living in a steam vent…  That’s part of the reason I eventually settled permanently in a place where the year round temperature range is 45 to 80 degrees with what feels like, when compared to Florida, NO humidity…  I mean I know there is some, there’s fog all over the damned place….  But some people look better through a THICK fog bank so it works for me…

Some of my views were also, frankly, a little too ‘liberal’ for the south…  But what are ya gonna do right?  I’m me…  And gosh darn it, I LIKE MYSELF….  So it’s good to be in a place where opening my mouth doesn’t elicit quite so many stares… There’s always someone ‘right around the corner’ who’s WAY farther off base than I could ever dream to be….

Then there are always the issues that EVEN I will roll my eyes at when I read the press they’re getting…  Who care’s what you name a damned sewage plant???…  Well apparently some people feel where we flush our crap CAN BE an effective political tool…  I mean don’t get me wrong…  I like the idea of making people realize that all the real President Bush has ever done is spew a vile waste product upon America for the past 8 years…  I also enjoy the idea of having to make him personally process my crap…  But I’d ALSO rather take a dump on him ‘face to ass’, not ’symbolically’….

After all I’ve had to put up with him shitting on me, and everyone else who feels like me, for the past two terms it’s just unfortunate that he’s currently ‘holding the microphone’…  He just makes the rest of America LOOK bad…  I mean were not ALL inbred like that, I promise you people out there in every other country in the world….  It’s just that apparently a little over half of us are sheep….  And even when the half of us that aren’t sheep vote the right way, see the ‘black’ sheep cheat and steal elections…

I’m sure SOME of you other country’s out there are familiar with this concept…

I just think it’s kind of mean to do that to your own doodie, it would be like sending your kids to a school named after number 43 …  it’s embarrasing one and cruel two…  Poor little doodie, I mean you brought it into this world, it never asked to be here…

Republicans just don’t understand….

I just feel that this image PERFECTLY illustrates what most Republican voters don’t seem to understand….  AND let me tell you if you vote for McCain you’ll just have 4 more years of the same view with a different face…

I think that’s nuff said (to quote Stan Lee)….

Hi, I’m David Duchovny, I’m a sex addict….

David Duchovny has gone into rehab for sex addiction….   Now I don’t know about the rest of the guys out there but if I was married to Tea Leone I’d be a sex addict too….   And I guarantee there’s no fucking way I would be going to rehab for it!!!…..   I’d be constantly telling her we needed to work on our problems in the privacy of our own home!!!….  But then I’d also want to work on ‘our problem’ in the car, on the beach, during air travel, at the mall, a couple restaurants, maybe at a ball game, down by the river, in a desert, at the long term parking garage, on a train, our friends houses, the local Moose Lodge and possibly even in my bosses office on his desk….

I know I’m in California now but I’ve also gotta mention this: I’m a brunette guy….  the soon to be Ms. Leone looks WAY better as a brunette as opposed to the ‘blond‘ she plays in film and television most times…   I truly hate the bleach blond look (personally I think it’s some type of conspiracy), it’s just stupid….  Your fucking eyebrows don’t match your fucking head!!!….  It’s kind of a dead give away ladies….  It makes the whole “I wonder if the carpet matches the drapes” debate moot….

Producers and directors out there take note, many of us in the REAL world want to see the hot and NATURAL brunette placed in more prominent rolls!!!  Tea Leone is never hotter than when she is flying her ‘true color’ like when she did ‘Bad Boys‘ (Yeah, it’s a Michael Bay film which usually means fecal matter on film, but it’s worth watching for her alone) or ‘Flying Blind‘ (red is the first choice AFTER brunette)….

John McCain to star in ‘Grumpy Old Men 3: Electric Boogaloo’

I used to actually like John McCain before he became the current GOP pussy that he is, I mean the guy USED to, or at least appeared to, have some moral fortitude (which is to say it seemed he had alot, at least when compared to the rest of the Republican chattel in American politics) and the balls to stand up against party politics….   If he hadn’t rolled over like a little bitch on roofies I might have even considered voting for him, but he could personally kiss my ass (in the crack WITH tongue) and still say goodbye to that wish now….

This man who once could have been a great president has become a Grumpy Old Man, read this interview with Time and you’ll see what I’m talking about…..   Go ahead, I’ll wait…..

Good now that your back, did you see what a dink the guy is now???….   This is a guy who used to say “No question is a bad question” and now he won’t even answer almost HALF of the damned questions asked by a reporter from Time Magazine?!?!?!….  I mean really these are softball questions and he’s just staring at the reporter?!?!?….   God I wish Hunter S. Thompson was still around and on those press junkets….  I mean that was a man that had the balls to give Nixon hell when the Republinazi’s had almost taken over America….

I’m sorry but the man’s just too OLD to be an effective representative of this country….  I mean he BELIEVED Gore when he said he invented the internet….  The guy is just completely out of touch, could it be that he’s in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, not that he ever really understood what most American’s lives are truly like….

He’s never had a job OUTSIDE of the government, he’s been on the federal teet since birth, through college (where he graduated 5th FROM THE BOTTOM OF HIS CLASS AT ANNAPOLIS), through the military (where he PROVED he deserved to be 5th from the bottom by getting shot down and not being able to evade the enemy, I’m positive there is a training program SPECIFICALLY for that purpose by the way), then every chance he gets now he likes to bring up the fact that he was a dumb ass who got caught for sympathy points (waaaa, I was a POW, oh YEAH well, waaa I was raised by a mentally unstable woman I think I win, he was only in Hanoi for approximately 5 years I was stuck in my situation for 17) , and then on into the political sector….

Where are the scum bags who gave Kerry (a legitimate American hero who won the Medal of Honor) all that crap back in 2004 and made him look like a dick versus Bush (a legitimate American criminal who did NOT complete his puss out Air National Guard duty cause it would have interfered with his coke binges and beer funnel time)….

Hopefully, John McCain will choke on his Viagra and give the rest of us some relief….

See I don’t really do guilt…

Guilt and regret are a waste of your time….  People probably think that’s a little self involved but then isn’t everything???   I mean your not really living your life for someone else are you….  EVERYTHING you do is self involved, even if it’s taking care of your own elves (kids)….  I mean you are the reason they’re here after all, you were so self involved you refused to put on a condom or at least allowed her to talk you OUT of wearing one, either way…  Self involved….

I have 3 kids, though honestly one of them was only mine briefly….  If there was anything I was going to regret it would have been not getting to see her more often….   But then divorce, military service, geography and the financial constraints of the world had a great deal to do with that as well, I mean I still had to make a living right?….  Anyway, she’s an adult now and doing fine on her own….  And I get to talk to her quite a bit now so that’s a bonus!

My other two boys are both still in their ‘little people’ fazes…..  One of them will be forever actually….  My older son has Down Syndrome, which freaks some people out…..  Let me give you a little tip, he’s just like you….  Only nicer….  The kids life is honestly golden, he’s what medical professionals call ‘high functioning’….   They used the same phrase in reference to me on occasion, but I think it had a different connotation in that situation as they also stated I was ‘manipulative’ (again who isn’t?)….  He’s constantly on a quest to make people laugh and then he’ll query, “Am I funny?”….   We’re still trying to figure out where he gets that from….

The kids a little flirt too, he runs right up to women (only the good looking ones mind you, he’s got Down Syndrome, he’s not stupid) and will start hugging them simply because he KNOWS he can get away with it….  Honestly, I’d do the same, if I thought I had a chance in hell of being allowed to do so…

I think, if I was going to have a regret in my life, it would be that I’m not going to be able to be there and protect him from the lame stupidity of Jr. High School and High School, as he’s started the former this year….  So I’ve done the next best thing….  Since he was about 3 I’ve been teaching him basic Aikido….  Some of you may think this is not a good idea, but you’d be WRONG….   When he was 5 some little punk 7 year old thought it would be funny to push him around on the playground….  That’s when my little man threw the penis wrinkle into a fence and bloodied his nose…. He’s 12 now and has a lot more throwing power, in addition to some really good wrist locks, so some of those Jr. High kids should REALLY fly….

I’ve gotta admit, that was an EXCEPTIONALLY FUN DAY though….   See they decided since he couldn’t recount the story to them that he must have started it….  I remember going in there and talking to him, once I was able to cobble together the true story and get the little turd ball that started it to admit he started it….  I really enjoyed berating the neophytes that administered that little school….  Plus the other kid’s Dad just looked totally flummoxed once he realized his little prince was a crap bag fop and got his ass kicked by a special needs child to boot!….  I bet that kid got REAMED when he got in the car away from everyone else, but who cares he deserved it….   I bought my son ice cream on the way home!

Son #2 is just like any other kid who’s father has been explaining the finer points of String Theory and Particle Physics to him since he was 3….  Poor kid asks about a star and gets a 20 minute lecture….  But he GETS it….  It’s nice when you can sit down and watch a program about dark matter and black holes with an 8 year old and he ENJOYS IT!!!….  He’s been on the Aikido program since 3 too, but luckily for him he’s never had to use it, it would be rare but nice if he never did but I truly doubt that….  Sure we’ve moved away from the majority of the moronic and racist contingent in this country, by relocating as far away from the south as possible while not moving to a different continent but as I’ve learned in my own life, STUPID IS UNIVERSAL…..  I’m sure his day is coming but he’s better prepared than I was at his age for it….

I don’t do regret, but now that they’ve started a new school year I’m missing having my boys around the house a bit….  Sure it makes it hard to code when they’re here but I’m an insomniac anyway so it’s not like I wouldn’t be up at 2am in any event…..   Getting distracted by them in the daylight just gives me something to work on in the moonlight.

David Blaine is magically annoying….

David Blaine has miraculously made him self disappear from the face of the planet….  At least that’s what I’m hoping….  I haven’t heard anything from this annoying douche lately but it’s really been kind of nice….

Apparently I’m not the only person who sees the stupidity in his ‘magic’…..

I performed a BUNCH of ‘magic’ when I was in the Army….  I ‘magically’ hiked 25 miles on a road march…..   I ‘magically’ prevented myself from drowning by using my pants as a flotation device…  I ‘magically’ pissed off my Drill Sergeant when I informed him that his belief that I was a homosexual was incorrect but I appreciated the fact that he found me so attractive that he wanted to discuss it in front of the rest of the group….  Oh and after a great deal of practice I was able to make peoples head’s explode into a nice pinkish spray from 1000+ meters…..   TAAA  DAAAA!!!!

Christianity has a new bumper sticker….

Someone sent me this link, it made me laugh….

Damn, I wanted more material for this one….

Bummer, the trial for Josef Fritzel Fritzl is going to be heard in secret…..  This really sucks because I wanted more material to add to the joke I’d already written in regards to the man I consider my favorite Austrian freak boy….   Yeah, this guy is so weird he replaced Hitler for me…..  Say what you want about Adolf but at least he showed his freak out in the open….

Now now, I realize some of you may think this is selfish but remember what they say…..   “Laughter IS the best medicine!”

Every time I read about this story it makes me wonder…..  What’s the guy and his wife’s relationship like now???….   I mean I haven’t heard if she’s a “stand by your man” type of gal yet or not….  Is she staying with him and supporting him during this trying time in his life?….   Probably not, a good woman is hard to find…..

But then again, a good woman is even harder to hold hostage indefinitely apparently,….   so maybe it’s a wash.

I’m looking California, and feeling Montana….

I have a great idea for a porno starring Hannah Montana and that girl from iCarly….   But I found out we’re going to have to wait a few years to make it…..   Apparently we just can’t afford to hire them while they’re still under contract…..

What!!!….  Take it easy now…..  You SHOULD be pissed at their Dad’s not me…..  Those guys are the ones who sold their kids to Satan (Beelzebub)….  I mean Disney.

I don’t want to watch it, I just want to sell it…..  There are already millions of 12 to 16 year old boys out there watching Disney Channel and doing themselves….  I’m just looking to sell them something THEY WANT that will make them do it more vigorously and for longer periods of time….

I merely want to keep the roads safe…..  Think of all the little shits that wouldn’t be out annoying you in the streets in the evening anymore!

Eagle vs Shark

Usually when you come here you get ORIGINAL content unlike many other blogs which seem to just be re-posts of other peoples work (which is a cop out, your not really blogging or writing your just ripping off someone else’s stuff!), but today I want to talk about a movie I saw recently starring a comedian I like alot, so it’s still comedy related……  Quit bitching, it’s free….

Now while most American’s seem to be afraid of foreign films, I suspect it’s because they are frightened of the prospect of having to actually READ while watching a movie,  I have an easy one here for you.

Eagle vs Shark is a film from New Zealand (they speak English and use a dollar currency valuation system, so you won’t have to strain yourself) starring Jemaine Clement, he’s 50% of Flight of the Conchords, and Loren Horsley who also is co-creator of the story.  If you like quirky quite comedy this is really a fun little movie to watch plus it will give you something to do for 90 minutes besides sitting there diddling with yourself while your alone on the couch.  Plus Loren is really easy on the eyes and has the ability to keep you in the movie hoping all is going to turn out well for her character.  The plot (per IMDB.com): “Eagle vs Shark is the tale of two socially awkward misfits and the strange way they try to find love; through revenge on high-school bullies, burgers, and video games.”

I don’t know why but New Zealand filmmakers seem to be able to make quiet little movies that slowly develop the plot in interesting ways that pull me right in to the story.

Another film that immediately comes to mind called Once Were Warriors is also a great slow paced movie that pulls you in with great writing and a really interesting cast.   In fact the movie stars Temuera Morrison who most film fans in the U.S. (actually the world over I suspect) know for his portrayal of Boba Fett in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.  He’s really intense in this film and alot more interesting to watch than he was as Fett and all the subsequent clones of Fett.

Ok, so both of those are really pretty ‘easy lifting’ intellectually….   I’m not even going to try and get any of you to watch the Serbian film I saw the other day….