Another genius iPhone App idea….

I have an idea for another iPhone Application that I’m going to begin developing…

It’s a video game you can play using your colonoscopy feed streaming live as the background image…  Right now the ‘working title’ is “Anal Invaders”….  But that may change after I do some market research….

I figure it will give patients with an iPhone (or 3G phone) something to do while their on the table with that video camera up their bum….

Which is ‘gayer’….

A buddy of mine recently asked me which I thought was ‘gayer’…  or more gay for you English majors out there…  Aids or Twilight…

I told him Twilight is definitely gayer….

Because ANYONE can get the Aids, but ONLY the  ‘gay’s’ get Twilight….

Oh come on, no one should get offended at that joke….  We all have someone amongst our family and friends that likes the Twilight series….

Dreams can come true, it can happen to you….

I know most people think I’m a ‘glass is half empty’ kind of guy but that’s just not true….

And while I’m not really a religious person I am beginning to believe in the ‘power of prayer’…. I’ve been praying for years for this one thing and it’s finally come true…

That fucking little Taco Bell dog has finally died… “Yo quero de Taco Bell chihuahua muerto’”….  That’s been my prayer for roughly 10 years now….  More of a mantra really….

I wasn’t really certain of my powers at first….    After I prayed the “Where’s the Beef” lady to the grave….  But now I have independent confirmation….

But that’s one of the reason’s I get really paranoid whenever someone says “I’ll pray for you”….  I mean I appreciate it and all…  Unless of course your praying for my balls to swell, turn black and pendulous then fall off….

North Korean Christians….

A North Korean woman was recently executed for giving out free Bibles…  Talk about being a slave to the capitalist system…  Which is odd for a communist country….

So I’m guessing North Korea is now pretty much off the ‘recruiting areas’ list for the Gideon’s and Mormons….

I just think it’s a little to ’strict’ is all I’m saying…  It’s not like she was passing out copies of Twilight or anything…  Now that would be a crime worthy of the death penalty…

Megan Fox is no Britney Spears…

Megan Fox recently stated she’s not going to be the next ‘Britney Spears’….

Which is a good thing, she’s setting her sights higher I suppose…  Provided she’s not aiming to become the next skanked out coke head crack whore aka ‘Amy Winehouse‘….

4 Alarm Salami Fire….

There was a fire in South San Francisco yesterday in a Salami plant….

Italians and their families all up and down the west coast wept at the loss of this integral source of lard and animal waste parts…

Wake the dead, they may still have some cash…

I read a story recently about a group of upstanding young citizens…  That robbed a family while they were having a wake…  Or ’sitting Shiva‘ for those of you out there of the Hebrew persuasion…

Now I never would have thought that robbing the actual mourners of the dead to be a big ‘cash cow’…  I would think all the valuable stuff would be found in robbing the actual grave wouldn’t it??….

I mean let’s look at history, even the ignorant and uneducated thieves of thousands of years ago KNEW….  You don’t rob the Pharoah’s family….  You wait till later that night and dig that sucker up…

I’ve never personally taken a lot of jewelry or cash to a funeral…  Why would you??…  It’s not like you have to pay by the minute to view the dearly departed…  Gruesome…  Like one of those sliding glass thingamajig’s at the really ‘high class’ strip joints where you pay a buck for the slider to go up for 2 minutes….  I mean from what I’ve seen in films and read…

But why rob the mourner’s?…  They won’t have money…  They’re all staying at relatives and eating buffet for the next several days…

I guarantee when they catch these 7 morons they’ll spend the next 5 years being laughed at WHILE being anally raped  for getting a handful of cheap crappy fake gold jewelry and a couple of plates from the buffet…

Cause I keep imagining the guys going back and getting like a Dixie plate full of food with that cheap saran wrap that keeps coming off and trying to run away and keep their food on the plate…

Serves them right…  I hope they lost half their turkey and the cake too…

Heavy Metal Poisoning….

I was in a Heavy Metal band when I was younger, we didn’t last too long though…

It seems we took things a little to ‘literally’…  Apparently using actual ‘heavy metals‘ as instrument parts was not a good idea…  Who knew mercury and plutonium strings were so dangerous…  Some of the guys still call me to bitch about it…  Well not the guitar players…  They can’t really dial without fingers…  But that drummers a whinny bitch…

Actually I was in several bands…  Marching Band, Concert Band, Chorus…  Yeah not the ‘coolest’ crowd but it was where all the girls were so there you go…  Don’t hate the player you know…

I played the Tuba in Marching Band, again the literal ‘Heavy Metal‘ instrument…  Girls love the tuba players…  I think it has to do with the ability to keep it up and moving for so long…  Plus the case is just really cool…

And we know how to vibrate our lips…

Karl Malden, dead, deceased, in repose….

Karl Malden died yesterday and not one news helicopter circled his house?!?!?!?  What the hell, I guess you have to buy your way out of at least 2 child molestation cases to get any attention in L.A. anymore…

It’s sad really, if you think about it….

In the last couple of weeks we’ve lost 2 of the most interesting and evolving noses in this great land of ours…  First Michael now Karl…  What’s to become of us?!?!…  Cher’s going to have to come out of retirement…

Really, I mean one kept getting smaller and the other did nothing but continue to get bigger and just fucking mutate into this sort of diorama of some kind of ancient Greek tragedy on this guys face!!!

I’m gonna miss you Karl…

The Emo Philips Project…

Some friends and I were sitting around the other day brainstorming…

We were thinking of starting up an Emo Philips tribute band…  Which got a lot more complicated once we realized he had no songs and no real discernible musical ability to speak of whatsoever…

And he’s only one guy….

So there you go, another afternoon shot to hell and nothing to show for my weed…