My Friend The Radical Subversive.
Did you ever have a friend that was a real subversive?…. You know the kind of guy I’m talking about, he thinks that EVERYTHING is a conspiracy or part of a government cover up, a real RADICAL….. But he still lives with his Mommy when he’s 40?
We’re talking about the kind of guy here who only has a girlfriend sporadically,…. Yet he has never let ANY of his comic book subscriptions lapse!!!…. Don’t get me wrong, I like Spider-man too,…. But I like getting laid WAY BETTER!!!
This is the same guy who’s convinced that the JFK Assassination, Roswell and Marijuana are all part of some vast government conspiracy which has been kept secret from the ENTIRE WORLD…… Yet he can’t keep a secret from his MOM?!?!?! Obviously the CIA or the NSA needs to bring her in for some type of consultation.
He was my best friend for twenty some odd years or so…. What can I say, I’m a loyal guy…. My wife doesn’t miss him, that much I can tell you for certain…. I can’t really blame her though, it was like he got jealous of her when we got serious…. Who knew the money I’d spent on weed and beer for myself had become so vital to his existence…. Or maybe he had gotten a cut in his allowance,… I’ll probably never know for sure.
He used to like to try and tattle on my wife to ME…. I mean don’t get me wrong, I like to spank her, but only for the RIGHT reasons,… and I don’t need someone else to help me figure THEM OUT!!!…. But he’d rat on her for the stupidest shit…. “I don’t like the way she was disciplining your son!”…. Apparently it slipped his mind that the kid is her son too!!…. Yeah, there’s nothing more valid to me than getting advice regarding my special needs son from the childless!!!…. Here’s a couple of tips for you guys out there with no kids…. Number 1: Actually have sex first!!!…. Number 2: Don’t give parenting advice unless you get your dick wet REGULARLY and have actually PRODUCED AT LEAST ONE PROGENY!!!!
The guy was an expert on everything though…. Who knew the GED he got in the 80’s stood for Gigantic Expert in Dickery!!!…. He really did think he knew it all though,… And I’ll admit he was probably one of the best read people I’ll ever meet on the face of this planet…. But it’s really difficult to take a persons advice seriously when he was still wearing ‘Stone Washed’ jeans in 2004 and only makes eight bucks an hour!