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The automatic transmission should be outlawed…

August 11, 2008, @ 2:27 pm Leave a comment Go to comments

I used to have a friend that said, “If the automatic transmission were outlawed, the number of idiots on the road would decrease exponentially.”….   I used to think he was a bit of an extremist….  well ok he IS an extremist but on THIS one he’s right…

MOST of you out there should not be driving….  You know it, you just don’t want to admit it…..  You think your need for Menthol Kool’s and Vienna Sausages outweigh the greater good….  I mean generally it’s ok, cause I just sit there and scream at you in my car,….    You may have seen me flipping you off in your rear view mirror after you cut me off,….   Even though there was like about 1/2 mile (approximately .75 kilometers for you that fell for that whole ‘metric system’ scam) of open fucking highway right  BEHIND me, it’s OK yelling at you releases my anger and keeps my blood pressure low…..

But you just GOTTA be in front of me for the benefit of that whole 1/3rd of a second lead you’ll get, go ahead dick face your just getting me better mileage from drafting off your moronic ass…   Oh and my brights are NOT on by accident when you do this….  enjoy.

Merge lanes appear to be quite the mystery to most of you out there as well so allow me to explain….   You actually are supposed to use that lane to slow down or speed up….   You DO NOT slow down for a fucking half mile BEFORE you get INTO the merge lane or left turn lane or right turn lane whatever, you fucking slow down once your there, this is the point of the SEPARATE FUCKING LANE….  CONVERSELY, you don’t poke along as your entering a fucking interstate highway system at 20 to 25 mph, YOU FUCKING SPEED UP AND SHOULD BE GOING 55 to 65 mph BEFORE YOU REACH THE INTERSTATE, aka the END of the fucking merge lane!!!!!

Speaking of the whole highway system in general….  Again this is key….   The left lane is for PASSING…..  Not for your dumb ass to get over there and ‘make a point’ by slowing down the 80 to 90 people who happen to be behind you because you think, “They are all driving too fast”,…  Go back to Mayberry if you want to be a fucking moral barometer for the rest of society asshole,….  Aunt Bea might actually give a shit about your opinion, I on the other hand DO NOT!!!….   I know how to safely operate my vehicle and I also know how fast I can go legally without getting a ticket, I know cops they’ve told me what they will allow….  Just because your dumb ass doesn’t like it, it’s STILL not your place to pull over into the PASSING LANE and slow the rest of us down, your really just killing my gas mileage by forcing me to slow down behind you and then speed back up after I get past your stupid ass….   Oh, and that wasn’t rain on your windshield after I passed you, I spit out my window after I finally got in front of you,….   again thanks for helping keep my blood pressure in check, I feel MUCH BETTER NOW!

OH, one last point….  If you should ever find that you have been driving for ‘who knows how long’ with one of your turn signals on and yet did not have even the slightest intention to turn, even more so because you did not realize you left it on….  I would just like to suggest from the bottom of my heart,…..  please, please kill yourself,…..    I think I speak for most of us,  we’d all really, really appreciate it and it would help, your voluntarily helping to thin the herd,….   by selflessly eradicating the threat of your genes contaminating our future society….  all our insurance rates could then go down….

Here endeth the lesson.

  1. August 13, 2008, @ 8:02 am at 8:02 am

    I haven’t driven in four years, since I hit my neighbour’s car while in an ill-advised attempt to pull into my drive way without having gotten my license yet. I don’t want to believe some people are just irrevocably bad drivers, because at some vague point in the future I will want to have a license, but that was one of the may ridiculous things I did whilst in control of a moving vehicle, and I suspect there are more to come.

  1. September 11, 2008, @ 11:04 am at 11:04 am

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