There are certain laws…

(…probably to follow ‘Altered States Street…‘…)

There are other “laws” of the universe that kid’s shows just flat out disregard!!!…

That’s frustrating to a guy like me…  There are laws of physics folks!…  and the sooner these kids start learning about them the better!…

So let’s just take a critical look for a second here at Mr. Sponge Bob Square Pants…  If that’s your real name…

I’m watching this the other day and Bob and Squidward were having one of their usual social discourses regarding the break down in the moral “fiber” of society in general…

So at one point Squidward squirts Sponge Bob and he being a sponge starts to get all puffed up…

Now does anyone see the problem here???…  Let’s think back to the damned theme song folks….  “Who lives in a Pineapple UNDER THE SEA?!?!?!”….  “Absorbent and Yellow and Porous is he…”  Now there’s no need to go any further…

First off that second line is grammatically incorrect…    It SHOULD be: “Absorbent, COMMA, Yellow AND Porous is he…”  You just don’t use the word AND like that folks…  that’s not right…  you need to teach kids to speak correctly…

But my real point is he LIVES UNDER the sea…  Why in the hell when Squidward squirts him with ANYTHING would he absorb anymore?!?!?  He’s a SPONGE LIVING UNDER THE SEA!!!  HE’S ALREADY SATURATED!!!

That’s one of the Laws of Fluid Dynamics folks, I’m not making this stuff up up here…  He can’t absorb anything else…

9/11… 8 years past…

I wrote this last year and thought I’d post a link to the previous article…  Other than the President Bush stuff it’s still relevant…

Altered State Street…

Being a parent you have to watch some really unbearable stuff for a certain period,…   I mean it’s not too bad the first time,…   but kids have no long term memory…    it’s like their little black out drunks…

They watch something and then they watch it again…  Sponge Bob is funny on occasion, but not when your waking up at 6:30 to get everyone out the door…

Then there are those OTHER show’s…  the one’s that you have to wait till the kids have outgrown them to criticize them…  Or at least till YOUR kid’s have outgrown them…  SO…

F@#%king Sesame Street is totally unrealistic…  Can you tell me where the drug dealers are?….

Their OBVIOUSLY there somewhere…  People are talking to a f@#%king Snuffleupagus folks…  They make dinner plans with a giant yellow bird!!!…   There is a big blue ‘Meth head‘ that’s hooked on “cookies” and obviously needs some time in rehab…   He need’s time to ‘reconnect’ with himself, time to heal…

There is a green dude that lives in a garbage can…  Well ok, THAT part is realistic, but you get my point…

I think the drug dealers are the one’s running the camera’s…  So this WHOLE show is really just a ‘Dealer’s Eye View’ of the world…

See it’s all subliminal man….   Weed isn’t the gateway drug folks, cookies are…

New to the area…

(different lead in to Prejudice and Me…)

Friends ask me if I miss Florida… We moved to NorCal a couple years ago…I don’t miss it a bit actually…  Don’t get me wrong, I like fried foods and racism as much as the next guy…

(then do Prejudice and Me…)

Don’t torture yourself…

Writing jokes is more painful than some people think…

I watch “The View” at least once a week listening to those yenta’s…  mining for material…  there’s a big vein in there somewhere…  someone’s gonna get rich I tell ya…

You just have to put up with the strain and frustration of clearing away the mountain of crap around it…  I guess that’s why Whoopie went there originally and now she’s like imprinted on her captors or something…  Sort of like Patty Hearst and the SLA…