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7 Billion and Counting But Gay Marriage Threatens the Species…

October 31, 2011, @ 3:49 pm Leave a comment

There are now 7 billion people on this planet, yet even with those odds I can’t find a undocumented maid that won’t drink my liquor.

I mean come on 7 billion people… More alien abductions & sightings than any time in our recorded history…. I’d advise you all to stock up on ammo we’re ripe for the harvest….  That’s why we’re getting plumper as a species,.. like cattle going to market.

If it weren’t for Catholicism’s ‘out breed em all’ policy there wouldn’t be 7 billion people & Puss in Boots wouldn’t have been # 1 in the box office the week it premiered.

My problem with Catholic people isn’t that I think I’m smarter than them, I know I am…  The problem is they breed & put helmets on their children.

There are 7 billion people on this planet but if your gay in America they don’t want you to get married because it ‘threatens the species’…  Really?

If your gay you can’t get married because it threatens the ‘sanctity’ of marriage,..  but Thank god Kim Kardashian was able to get married AND have her divorce within 72 days so the current season didn’t have to end with a cliff hanger…

Kim Kardashian’s marriage really recalls those great Hollywood relationships of old doesn’t it?… I mean who’s not thinking Hepburn & Tracy right now, so romantic!!

Titanic was longer, both the film & the actual sinking of the ship…  Which was, unlike her marriage breaking up, an actual, verifiable, real and tragic event.

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Lifetime TV, you say one thing but do another, it’s your fault I hit you…

May 26, 2010, @ 10:57 am Leave a comment

I’m kind of an anal retentive OCD afflicted…  well, asshole…  But that’s not the point…

I just strive to do everything I do right and I expect all of you to do the same dammit!…

But my point is I hate when your watching TV and the schedule is wrong, you know the one on the TV…

I was looking the other day and I see on Lifetime… Fuck You, it’s research…

So it say’s ‘Casualties of Love: The Long Island Lolitta Story’ with Alyssa Milano so that’s hot right?

And since we’re about the same age it’s not “icky”…

Hit the switch to go on over there and what’s on?… ‘The Mary Kay Literno Story’ w/Penelope Ann Miller…

Yeah, absolutely the wrong kind of child molestation for me…

You can’t do that, I mean I’m not a molester but there are molesters out there trying to not molest…

They are counting on you to be accurate Lifetime so they don’t rape children…

You can’t promise them one type of child molestation and then deliver another it’s all I’m trying to get across here…

Possible Oil Spill solutions…

May 24, 2010, @ 7:39 pm 1 comment

This perpetual Oil Spill in the Gulf is a mess,

Now I know I’m just a simple ex-soldier/comic but couldn’t the Navy just blow the well?…

Wait even BETTER idea…

Let’s get Navy UDT to team up with the Porn Industry to blow the well?…

And bonus, with money as tight as it is these days, the Porn Industry could also re-task that Oil Spill as lube…

I was going to suggest they use hookers from New Orleans at first,…

but since Katrina there aren’t enough of them left with the experience to blow a well…

Erin Grey, every boy from the late 70’s fantasy girl…

May 24, 2010, @ 4:22 pm Leave a comment

Erin Grey (of TV’s Buck Rogers and the 25th Century fame) has died…

I know I was totally shocked and saddened… Until I found out it was a false internet rumor…

I met her once at a SciFi convention in Orlando…

She gave me a hand job PLUS an autographed photo,…

for only $15 extra she wore the jumpsuit…

Martinizing…

May 17, 2010, @ 5:32 pm 1 comment

I often wonder if Steve Martin is honored or horrified at the entire process of Martinization

And by Martinization I mean, as in Martinizing, the Dry Cleaning Process…

Not Martinizing in the Urban Dictionary sense, which means “To be banged by a member of the Martin family”…

I’m pretty sure he’s honored by it in that sense no matter what…

As long as your really trying.

Betty White…

May 10, 2010, @ 11:58 am Leave a comment

Betty White was GREAT on SNL wasn’t she?…

It really took me back,…    to 1969 when she licked my testicles…

Which was odd because I was only 1 at the time…  Who knew Betty White Pederast…

Tiger Woods Bumps Fists…

April 29, 2010, @ 10:51 am Leave a comment

Headline News was reporting on the fact that Tiger Woods “fist bumped” a fan in Orlando on the golf course today…

How is this news?…

I mean the only thing it really makes me want to know is, was that the fist he diddled the cocktail waitresses and strippers with?…