Posts Tagged ‘Obama’

Filed for the next time we kill Osama…

May 2, 2011, @ 9:43 am Leave a comment

So apparently Osama Bin Laden was shot, but he was dead to me 10 years ago.

Hmm, US Navy Seals kill Osama & my daughters Kindle ships… Coincidence?

Hey has anyone heard from @OsamaBinLaden this evening? His twitter feed has been quiet since this afternoon.

If Osama had been killed during a GOP Administration his corpse would already be @ a taxidermist being prepped for the 2012 campaign.

So Osama is dead! That means gas prices start to drop & we get all our civil rights back tomorrow morning right?

Just out of curiosity, exactly which unwarranted wire tap in the continental US led to Osama’s hiding place in Pakistan?

The fact that Osama was killed within 2 miles of a Radio Shack really says a lot about their liberal return policy.

Right now, 72 Dungeon Masters are beating the shit out of Osama Bin Laden in Jannah (Muslim Heaven).

My favorite part about the Osama death coverage in the US is that the Girls Gone Wild crew is also filming in the same crowds.

Osama has been buried at sea because the US Govt is hoping more Muslims will make the pilgrimage down 2 nautical miles voluntarily.

Osama’s family is despondent this morning over their decision to try & get him help by inviting the show Hoarders to the compound.

The Gov’t won’t tell you what technology Obama was using to track the Osama Bin Laden mission, but I can tell you there’s an app for that.

Cheney is claiming the Osama death coverage is all a lie, says he shot Osama in the face on a hunting trip back in ’06.


Barack Obama in possibly compromising position…

September 5, 2008, @ 3:01 am 3 comments

Basically, just for giggles, we’re going to take someone else’s ‘proof of concept’ and do a little inverse ‘Folgers Crystals’ hidden taste test….

We will be looking to see how many times we get hit via Google searches,….  Any search engines actually, from the ‘good folk on the right’ looking for proof of what a ‘mean’ and ‘bad man’ Mr. Obama truly is by loading up on words and phrases we think might be searched:

Barack Obama caught

Barack Obama nude

Barack Obama cheats

Barack Obama hates cheese and cheese by products, lactose intolerant

Barack Obama and Dick Cheney have secret love child

Barack Obama and Regis have flipper baby

Barack Obama prefers Kathie Lee Gifford over Kelly Ripa

Barack Obama possibly not ‘white’

Barack Obama too white

Barack Obama stars in gay porn video, that’s for you Idaho constituents out there…

Barack Obama and Sarah Palin love triangle

Barack Obama and Joseph Biden love triangle

Barack Obama and Dick Cheney caught in uncomfortable position….  in the back seat of a Volkswagen

Barack Obama eats chitlins and greens

Barack Obama hates chitlins and greens

Barack Obama’s favorite chitlin recipe or recipes

Barack Obama kills racist watermelon farmer

Barack Obama has less experience than Sarah Palin, at least ‘mayoring’ in podunk Alaska

Barack Obama has more experience than Sarah Palin, but still fewer mistakes and missteps

Barack Obama has equal experience as Sarah Palin, yet is still FAR more impressive

Barack Obama wears boxers

Barack Obama wears briefs

Barack Obama wears thong

Barack Obama is a ‘free rider’

Barack Obama is gay

Barack Obama is straight

Barack Obama is ‘slightly’ bent

Barack Obama is a 90 degree angle

Barack Obama is a rhombus

Barack Obama democrat

Barack Obama communist

Barack Obama socialist

Barack Obama feudal lord

Barack Obama town crier

Barack Obama Queen of the Desert

Barack Obama molests farm animals

Barack Obama bestiality video

Barack Obama inter species erotica video

Barack Obama hates Han Solo

Barack, Barack, I can’t make exceptions. What if everyone who smuggled for me dropped their cargo at the first sign of an Imperial Starship. It’s not good business. (Jabba said this to Barack on Tatooine right before he and Chewie helped Luke and Obi-Wan escape to Alderaan, Star Wars IV: A New Hope)

Barack Obama thinks Darth Vader is a jerk

Baracl Obama, Darth Vader and Wookie love triangle

Barack is a doodie head

Barack Obama is not a member of Mensa

Barack Obama is a member of Mensa

Michelle Obama has started her monthly Mensa

Sarah Palin lives in a perpetual state of ‘monthly’ Mensa

Barack Obama prom night dumpster baby scandal

Barack Obama homecoming night dumpster baby scandal

Barack Obama EATS baby and placenta

Barack Obama TREATS baby and uses placenta for stem cell research to cure cancer

Barack Obama causes cancer

Barack Obama eats cancer

Barack Obama is really Kurt Cobain

Barack Obama sues Foo Fighters for copyright infringment

Barack Obama topless, bottomless, shameless, fergalicious

Barack Obama aborts third term lunch period

OK, I think we’ve got enough to work with here….  I’ll post the numbers in the comments next week.

He would never hurt a fly…

August 8, 2008, @ 2:21 pm 2 comments

A couple of months ago ( June 4th to be exact) I made a prediction to a group of friends on a private bulletin board regarding Mr. Obama and his chances of surviving to become the new President or if he became President how long he had before the nut jobs started coming out of the woodwork….  I’ve lived in the south, so knowing the pedigree and minimal cranial capacity of the average citizen in the area…..  It really was not too hard to be honest….

Basically, I had said a loon would be making an attempt between September of 2008 through February of 2011,…..   So the person we’ll here fore to refer to as ‘Low Watt Bulb #1‘ decided to DISCUSS his ploy in his Bail Bondsman Training session with the rest of the class….  Maybe they were brainstorming and he thought, “This is the PERFECT time to get some outside input on my ruse!”….  Who knows, perhaps it was the potency of the local weed….   Though having lived in Florida I gotta say if that’s it then the herbal remedy in Michigan must REALLY suck….

Another major fuck up, listen close here kiddies, he decided to tell the Secret Service agents that were interviewing him,  “If I wanted to take him out I’d just use a Sniper rifle,….  Just kidding!”….  Really he told the Secret Service Agent JUST KIDDING….   Have you ever seen these SS guys in person?  Big chuckles are really not what you should be going for at this juncture in your life here buddy….

Also, why is it every time one of these nuts is caught dead to rights some bleeding heart piss ant always gets in front of the press and starts saying, “He was the nicest person you’d ever want to meet….  Give you the shirt right off his back he would….  He’d never hurt a fly…”   It’s like I’m watching the “Who shot Buck Wheat” coverage from SNL back in the early 80’s,…  Do you think he could do this, “Oh yes, he was ALWAYS saying he was going to shoot Obama!”….

Case and point, for our current psycho with the required 3 names, we get this lovely bunch of fertilizer from his girlfriend, who here fore to shall be referred to as ‘Low Watt Bulb #2‘….

Now no offense but I don’t really trust the judgment of a 35 year old barfly chick who felt that dating a 22 yr old moron was a good life choice,….   he was probably abusive to her too,….  Cause you know that’s hot right?…..  I’ve never understood the whole ‘damaged girl’ syndrome,….  If I’d only ‘slapped’ a few chicks around during my youth I probably would have been WAY more popular with the ladies…..

Oh, to go back and tell the 18 yr old me what I know now…..

Keep your Pimp hand strong out there gentlemen.

John McLaughlin and the Great Cookie Controversy.

July 17, 2008, @ 12:51 pm Leave a comment

So John McLaughlin recently called Obama an Oreo… Yeah he’s a dumb ass…  But I also gotta say, what’s WRONG with that?….  I mean I LOVE OREO’S….  But I DO spit out the white stuff….

That should make PERFECT sense to you women….  What!?!!…. It’s less than HALF THE CALORIES then!!!

November 2008: A New Hope or The Empire Strikes Back, You Decide.

July 7, 2008, @ 12:49 pm Leave a comment

I’m both looking forward to this November’s Elections and fearing them like an abused dog when he hears his owners car in the driveway…. Comedians in general will of course miss Bush….  Someone that stupid is such a great source of material it’s kind of sad to see them go….  Of course on a personal note I’m planning on throwing a little soiree the minute Obama is inaugurated….  Nothing too big, we’re just taking out a little loan…. 70 maybe 80 thousand…. It’s been a frustrating 8 years.

Obama is of course who I’d like to see win personally…. After eight years of living under ‘The Empire’s‘ reign I’m ready to turn my back on ‘The Dark Side‘…. Yoda would be so disappointed in us all for allowing this past eight years to pass…..  not ONE REBEL UPRISING!!!…. What’s wrong with all of us?!?!?!?!

McCain is of course just a nightmare now…. Don’t get me wrong I respect the guy…. He did go through alot for our country…. I’m a Veteran myself so I really do appreciate his previous work…. But his more recent efforts, NOT SO MUCH…..  I was watching him give a speech the other day and he tried to tell a joke….  Then he laughed at his own joke and he just sounded CREEPY….  Kind of like that weird Uncle when you were a kid…  You know the one you suspected of being a pedophile whenever he laughed, but had no proof what so ever,…. That’s REALLY not the mental image we want our Chief Executive conjuring up every time he chuckles is it?!?!?!?!

Plus this guy is literally a ‘Dead Man Walking‘ right?!?!….  He makes Nancy Reagan look ATHLETIC!!!… Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t see the point in making the aged continue to work when their eligible for Social Security,…  Remember a vote for Obama is a vote for RETIREMENT!!!… Enjoy your golden years John, PLEASE, PLEASE go away and enjoy them!!!  If your looking for something to do I have two suggestions……  VIAGRA and YOUR WIFE!!!!!