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Posts Tagged ‘parenthood’

Flailing about miserably in the land of hipsters…

September 16, 2010, @ 3:27 pm 1 comment

OK, so August was a total wash out that did not go as planned.   But we shall get back on track.

Sad to say (for you not them) that my family comes first and I’ve had issues over the past month and a half which prevented me from attaining my goal of getting out 5 nights a week by the end of August.  I kind of set that bar high anyway, but I’ll keep working for it till I get to it.

Twitter has kind of become a new home for me to post short ideas as they come into my head, so be sure to follow me there or keep your eye on the stuff to your right over there ——->

I’m going to also be trying something new with my Twitter.  I’ll be having regular joke topics defined by the hashtag (#).  The 3 I currently have are #FailedFranchiseIdeas, #ProofYourAloneInTheUniverse & #JennyCraigsLostWeekends.  Each will be for a different day of the week, so I’ll be working on coming up with 2 more I like for the other 2 days, Monday thru Friday.

I’m also going to be posting back here at least once per week with new stuff I’m writing again.  I don’t see any point in not posting for the people who actually DO read my stuff, considering that’s all I’m able to provide at this point.

Also I do have an Improv show scheduled for Saturday Oct. 9th at The Spindrift Theater in Pacifica, CA. 8pm with Asylum.

Last if your in the area you may see me trolling around the Golden Gate Park for the San Francisco Comedy Day.  Be sure to check it out they have a bunch of great comics including Will Durst.   The shows start Sunday Sept. 19th 2010 at 12pm to 5pm.

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Writing, Research and Work Ethic…

July 1, 2010, @ 12:24 pm 4 comments

I’ve been working on research and writing a lot recently.  I therefore apologize for my lack of posts to those that actually care about such minor issues and banality.  First I love the writing, it’s the new found paranoia of posting it that is strange, I’m a little concerned about possible pilfering due to some of my research.  Not that I’m some kind of genius, it’s just there is only so much reality for everyone trying to do this to work from but then again some people are just flat out hacks.

One of the things I’ve been doing, in addition to a LOT of reading about writing comedy, is watching and listening to some people I’ve always liked but didn’t really “hit it big” as it were.  Yet they’re still making a living (in some cases 25 to 40 years), which honestly is pretty much were I’d like to be at once I’m done with this transition.  So if you like comedy here are a few comics with some really brilliant Podcasts that can be gotten from multiple sources. I use iTunes, but I’m going to link directly to the artists site, so you can get it how you want it from there.

Marc Maron: He’s got the WTF Podcast and it is just a great resource so listen, a couple comics (from all levels of the industry) talk about comedy on pretty much every level (business to artistic).  His interview with Carlos Mencia is probably one of the most stunning things I’ve ever heard.  And for Mencia to not even realize he’s admitting he’s a hack is mind boggling.  He flat out says his first experience he went out and got a joke book and then did them on stage.  How can he not realize that’s what makes him a hack?  My first experience I wrote every thing I did, it was mostly easy jokes but it worked and made me want to get better.  I got laughs and the fact that I wrote them is what made me really get charged about this, sure they were hack jokes about drinking and the attitude is what made them work.  But it made me want to WRITE better material, all Mencia could have felt is “I have to GET more material”.  I’m sure he was charged but he had to have wondered where he was going to get his next bit from, I knew I could create more and I think that’s the difference between a real comic and a hack.

Doug Benson: Just a funny guy with a good act and I like his podcast Doug Love Movies (formerly I Love Movies) for the array of guests and the way the show is done.  It’s mostly live in a theatre (that’s how they spell it dammit!) in LA called the UCB (you know but if not google).  Tons of other comedians and it’s mostly an improv movie themed show so it’s just a fun listen.

David Feldman: This guy is a writer/performer who’s great and makes me laugh a lot.  His podcast is mostly interviews and comedy sketches which is great.  You don’t get many audio comedy sketches outside of Harry Shearer radio shows and his can get a little dry, so this is a really good show to listen to as you drive or work on dangerous machinery after drinking cough syrup.

Will Durst: Another great writer/performer.  He was on a podcast I heard of David Feldman’s but he does one himself that is available on audible.com for purchase.  He’s also got CD’s for sale on his site and has written some books which are great reads as well.  He’s been around for years and I remember seeing him back in the 80’s (when I should have started doing comedy) and along with Bill Hicks, Sam Kinison and George Carlin, he’s one of those guys I think I most admired.  But somehow he fell off the national scene, to move out here and find that he’s still active is one of the best things I’ve discovered over the past few years.  So check him out as well.

Ritch Shydner: He’s one of two comics that wrote and compiled a book called “I Killed” that is an excellent read that will make you laugh out loud.  He’s a great comic and he’s in a documentary I watched recently.

There are some great documentaries out there too.  If enough people want to know what I’ve been watching there just drop a comment and I’ll put that together in the future.

I’ve not watched much of their current comedy stuff, as I don’t want to accidentally contaminate my brain with someone I respects ideas, but I’ve been listening to podcasts, watching documentaries about comedy and reading books by comedians I respect and who’s writing I enjoy.  So one of the more pressing things I’ve gleaned from a great deal of this research is the need to be wary of hacks that steal, thereby bypassing the realm of Loserville a new online game from Zynga!

So my next step, now that I’ve started to learn to write a better actual ‘bit’ and I’m starting to like what I’m seeing.  I’m going to be concentrating on getting more actual stage time.  My first goal is to start doing an open mic at least 5 nights a week by the end of August.  That goal is central to my second goal: to get my first really tight 5 to 7 minute set.  Once that’s done then goal three is to actually start auditioning or getting some actual paying features/opening sets and build from there to a 20 minute set.

This will be the next year or so of my life…  Oh wait, I’m still also a husband and Dad of 2 kids in their early teens, one of whom has Down Syndrome…  At least karma and the daily news shall continue to provide the material!

Michael Jackson Od’ed…

June 22, 2010, @ 3:07 pm 1 comment

Reporters annoy me…

If Michael Jackson ODing is a TRAGEDY, what do I call the junkie who pukes all over the baked goods at Safeway?…  Sublime?…

I mean who really cares that it’s been 1 year since Michael Jackson “tragically’ OD’ed?…  Personally I consider any day a pedophile junkie OD’s to be a pretty GOOD day…

I mean I’m not going to commemorate it every year but I’m not going to mourn it a year later either…  Maybe that’s what makes me a good Dad, I don’t rape my kids or their friends and I rarely OD around the house…

Tiger Loves Jenna…

April 27, 2010, @ 8:54 am Leave a comment

I’ll bet Tiger Woods is praying like a sex addict at the strip club with only one condom for this Jenna Jameson story to get some traction…

But he also probably feels sorry for her, cause for SURE he did her…  Right?

I also love how Jenna’s Dad all of a sudden is at her side to help her out…  Cause he did such an extraordinary job which led to her career choice…  Here’s a tip ladies, if your in the Porn industry and you ever have any trouble…  SEEK THERAPY and INDEPENDENT LEGAL REPRESENTATION!!!

NOT your Mommy or Daddy, they apparently weren’t so hot the first time around when you really needed them, I’m thinking they may not do so great now either…

There are certain laws…

September 25, 2009, @ 6:33 pm 1 comment

(…probably to follow ‘Altered States Street…‘…)

There are other “laws” of the universe that kid’s shows just flat out disregard!!!…

That’s frustrating to a guy like me…  There are laws of physics folks!…  and the sooner these kids start learning about them the better!…

So let’s just take a critical look for a second here at Mr. Sponge Bob Square Pants…  If that’s your real name…

I’m watching this the other day and Bob and Squidward were having one of their usual social discourses regarding the break down in the moral “fiber” of society in general…

So at one point Squidward squirts Sponge Bob and he being a sponge starts to get all puffed up…

Now does anyone see the problem here???…  Let’s think back to the damned theme song folks….  “Who lives in a Pineapple UNDER THE SEA?!?!?!”….  “Absorbent and Yellow and Porous is he…”  Now there’s no need to go any further…

First off that second line is grammatically incorrect…    It SHOULD be: “Absorbent, COMMA, Yellow AND Porous is he…”  You just don’t use the word AND like that folks…  that’s not right…  you need to teach kids to speak correctly…

But my real point is he LIVES UNDER the sea…  Why in the hell when Squidward squirts him with ANYTHING would he absorb anymore?!?!?  He’s a SPONGE LIVING UNDER THE SEA!!!  HE’S ALREADY SATURATED!!!

That’s one of the Laws of Fluid Dynamics folks, I’m not making this stuff up up here…  He can’t absorb anything else…

Altered State Street…

September 9, 2009, @ 10:23 am Leave a comment

Being a parent you have to watch some really unbearable stuff for a certain period,…   I mean it’s not too bad the first time,…   but kids have no long term memory…    it’s like their little black out drunks…

They watch something and then they watch it again…  Sponge Bob is funny on occasion, but not when your waking up at 6:30 to get everyone out the door…

Then there are those OTHER show’s…  the one’s that you have to wait till the kids have outgrown them to criticize them…  Or at least till YOUR kid’s have outgrown them…  SO…

F@#%king Sesame Street is totally unrealistic…  Can you tell me where the drug dealers are?….

Their OBVIOUSLY there somewhere…  People are talking to a f@#%king Snuffleupagus folks…  They make dinner plans with a giant yellow bird!!!…   There is a big blue ‘Meth head‘ that’s hooked on “cookies” and obviously needs some time in rehab…   He need’s time to ‘reconnect’ with himself, time to heal…

There is a green dude that lives in a garbage can…  Well ok, THAT part is realistic, but you get my point…

I think the drug dealers are the one’s running the camera’s…  So this WHOLE show is really just a ‘Dealer’s Eye View’ of the world…

See it’s all subliminal man….   Weed isn’t the gateway drug folks, cookies are…

Out of the box…

August 29, 2009, @ 6:13 pm 2 comments

Living with 2 kids, a 9 yr old and a 13 year old (Down Syndrome or not), is like living with a little law firm…  It’s frustrating…  I mean I have myself to blame…  I’m the one that taught them to think “out of the box” so there you go right?…

Kid would ask me about a shooting star and he gets a 20 minute dissertation on meteorites, micro meteorites, “space junk”, and the perils of polluting our atmosphere…  So now it takes me 40 fucking minutes to get the little turds into bed…

And what you want to do is go “GET YOUR ASS IN BED!!! OR YOUR GOING TO LEARN ABOUT THERMAL DYNAMICS WHEN MY HAND MEETS YOUR ASS!!!”…

And then your explaining to him as you give him swats that this is what the Earth felt like when the Asteroid that killed the dinosaurs hit Latin America…

You don’t do that but you think it….