Saga de Sandworm…

For those interested in what they will be saying during the narration of the eventual Biography show on television (well hey ANYTHING is possible, you know about Judy Tenuta right?…  She can marry you by the way if your shopping for an ordained minister…):

The writer/comedian was born a small child in a county NEXT to a county named after the country Switzerland, Dearborn County Indiana….  After waking up for many mornings on the shining shores of the Ohio River and all the joyous experiences that entails….  It’s slug country folks…. This comedy blog writer’s family became discombobulated and fractal…

It was at this point that the journey of becoming a ‘Citizen of America’ began for our intrepid adventurer/smart ass…. After moving from one place in Indiana to several other places in Indiana he then moved to Nebraska, Back to Indiana, then Louisiana, then back to Nebraska, then back to Indiana, then to Ohio, then to Florida, then to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma, then Ft. Benning Ga., then back to Oklahoma, then back to Florida, then Back to Indiana, then Back to Florida, then to Texas, then Back to Oklahoma, then Back to Florida and eventually settled in the San Francisco Bay Area….  You think THAT was long winded you should have tried packing and unpacking all the BOXES for those damned moves, I need to start a moving company….

At SOME point in his journey the smart ass/writer learned that by employing his ‘rapier wit’ and displaying his ability to come up with a humorous remark that was both cutting to the recipient and emotionally satisfying to the writer, (ALWAYS after being made fun of or put down by the recipient PREVIOUSLY), the writer learned that apparently this ability to have a witty retort and make others look ‘stupid’ or ‘like the jackass they actually were’ also was considered to make the writer a ‘faggot asshole’ or ‘stupid fag’…  Yeah it’s not too tough to outsmart most stupid people… BUT it is fun!…

Many times in the writers life people said ‘Hey your a funny asshole, you should be a comedian’ or ‘Hey your pretty funny for a patient who takes that much medication daily, perhaps being on stage would be therapeutic’…..Then at some point said writer decided to actually WRITE DOWN the stupid jokes and borderline psychotic things he whispered under his breath about others, things or topical issues that were on his mind….

THEN one day he went to an open mike night and performed some of it in front of OTHER PEOPLE, not a single blow up sex doll was in sight that evening…  Many of the people laughed, some of them smirked, which is ok, that’s how some people laugh…  on the inside, just like SOME others cry there as well…  some people laughed AND covered their mouths, apparently they had just eaten some nachos or chicken wings, there was a special….

And that pretty much brings you up to date, thanks for reading all that… really!

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Should one be interested in attaining permission to reprint material, buy material, have something written or book Ed Wallick for a gig, please contact me via my company’s web site at: ewallickjr at actualnetworksolutions dot com

If you just want to write to bitch about something I’ve written or you’ve seen me perform live, feel free to do that in the individual post’s comments section……  But I’ve gotta be honest, if my MOM couldn’t stop me do you really think your going to have any effect!?!?!?!?

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