4 more years of ‘GOP’ politics are not needed here….

Don’t worry about the economy folks…  W. is planning to talk to us all soon to ‘allay’ our fears… I feel SO MUCH BETTER NOW!!!

Here is a man that is so stupid he led a national economy that was at a SURPLUS (for those of you who don’t realize it that means the government had MORE THAN THEY WERE SPENDING!!!) and turned it into one of the largest DEFICITS (for those same folks, this is a BAD THING!!!) this nation has ever seen…  And it’s not like he did it by himself, he’s too stupid, every business he ever ran he literally RAN INTO THE GROUND and bankrupted it, but he previously did it MUCH QUICKER!!!…  Again, because he’s STUPID…   He can’t pronounce nuclear correctly, well ok he can’t pronounce MANY, MANY words correctly, but that just gives further credence to my argument…

He didn’t do it alone, in that, the GOP is pulling the strings on our current puppet…  Now they want to rush through $700 Billion worth of ’emergency funding’, that’s billion with a B, BEFORE the next president is elected…  This is a ‘hurry up’ scam, YOU CAN’T WAIT, you have to ACT FAST before the chance goes away!!!…  We are bailing out BUSINESSES that are poorly managed by allowing the people who bankrupted them to CONTINUE TO RUN THEM while we pay the bill!!!

And to TOP IT OFF, you will still have to pay those SAME businesses any money OWED TO THEM…  Correct me if I’m wrong but this would mean they are being paid TWICE by the average American citizen….  How is this NOT getting anally raped???…  I just want to know the distinction so I can tell the officer when he’s filling out the report while they do the rape kit on my ass….

Where is the bail out for the American public???…  Why don’t we have the government mandating a 50% reduction in ALL DEBT across the board for ALL the American CITIZENS!!!…  Everything too, not just home loans but credit cards, auto loans, signature loans, check cashing loans….  Then they can pay back those loan companies with ‘tax write offs’ for the value of all those forgiven loans???…..

That way EVERYONE can have something done that will personally effect them and allow them to realize that their government actually gives a damn about them!!!!

This will never happen of course, the people who are making double the money off you would never allow it….  They are the GOP and they LOVE YOU….  At least they LOVE the fact that they can RAPE you and you NEVER ONCE CALLED THE COPS ON THEM!!!…  In fact many of you loved it so much you RE-ELECTED them….

And now many of you are considering allowing the ASS RAPE to continue by voting for McCain and Palin….  An abusive father could never be as proud as the GOP is of you folks who are considering voting this way, takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’….  But it’s ok right, cause the GOP REALLY loves you and it didn’t mean it, it just had ‘too much to drink’ last night and it’s having a tough time at work right now…

You see ‘my way’ would have all that money go to the people, ‘their way’ has all that money go to BIG BUSINESS not once, but TWICE….

Yeah, vote the McCain/Palin ticket….   Morons…

Nobody can really say it better…

Bill Maher had some GREAT New Rules on his Sept. 12, 2008 show…

Great that he points out there were 42 Meth Lab busts in Sarah Palin’s home county!!!  Plus all the other “I’m from a ‘small town’ so I’m BETTER than you.” fecal matter conservative’s like to spew.

John McCain is dying on the Cross for you America…

Sarah Palin is a nit, as are her speech writers and teleprompter operators…  Learn to give a speech in front of a group if you… want….  to…. get…   on…  the stage…    Sorry we’re not all wearing antlers down here in the ‘lower 48’ sister…    We’re not all a member of the local Moose lodge…   Many of us are Elk or Eagles…  Even the occasional drunken Shriner….

I love how they (at the RNC) rip on the ‘set’ from Obama’s ‘show’ but they think we don’t notice the ‘subtle’ CROSS imagery when they put that big platform out there for McCain to give his speech from…   In all the long shots it looked just like he was standing on a giant cross…   All he needed was a couple nails through his hands and Mel Gibson beating the bejesus out of him and it would have been perfect…

As he’s CRUICIFIED for our country…   Poor little McCain…     You know I had it worse, my mother was mentally unbalanced…    I was held prisoner for 17 YEARS…    He only did about 5 and a HALF…    Did the Viet Cong make him go get his own SWITCHES???…

I think not…

(I thought of this last night and luckily ‘The Jimmy Kimmel Show’ had the perfect clip I needed, enjoy)

Big news, Unemployment rate hits 6.1 percent…

Yeah this is big news?…  This figure is bogus and the national unemployment rate has been incorrect and slowly getting FURTHER out of line with reality the longer Bush and the Republinazi’s have been in office…

I hear you out there, “But Ed how can this be true?  I mean Bush and company would NEVER lie to us”…  Yeah OK, and I promise I won’t cu……well you know….

The reason this figure is bogus, beyond a doubt, is because of the FACT that for each year since Bush has been in office the number of TEMPORARY and CONTRACT workers in American businesses have INCREASED…  Guess what happens to an I.T. worker, like myself, who finishes a contract and has ‘at times’ a 4 to 6 week wait between gigs???   WE GET NOTHING, you can’t get unemployment because your a contract or temporary agency worker….  Not that I want it, I actually hustle and have quite a high rate of call backs from previous companies I’ve contracted through, but there can still be a period of time till projects ‘line up’ with my availability…  I mean they can’t always wait for me to finish another job before I begin theirs either….  It cuts both ways…

But then that creates another issue when you’ve been completing contracts successfully for 5 years,….

Your resume begins to become a short non-fiction novel….  No kidding, my ‘traditional’ chronological version has bloated to 7 pages and that’s with me actually ‘cutting it down’….  So now I have to have an ‘abbreviated version’ which has even LESS specific details of the actual position duties, but it’s “3 pages or less”, otherwise the won’t even ‘consider’ you….  Which means I still have to bring every interviewer a full on packet which includes my long and short resumes, my references with contact info, my certification information, letters of recommendation and a short little ‘strengths’ worksheet…  I also pay for the travel to and from interviews in addition to all that resume ‘quality’ linen paper for each packet,…

I’ve SERIOUSLY had to endure as many as 4 face to face interviews in order to get a 6 week contract before…  These agencies are just milking companies for more money by EXTENDING the interview process…  They get paid for that, I DON’T!!!!

Once you’ve talked to me on the phone ONCE, then face to face ONCE and done your due diligence and checked out my references and recommendations…  Guess what, you should be able to DO YOUR JOB AND MAKE A DECISION!!!!….  The only things out of all that a perspective employee can write off is the printer ink cartridges and the paper, so save those receipts out there job seekers…

So now your in my position, and there ARE alot of I.T. people like me out here in the ether,….   you have 5 years of really good experiences with all manner of applications, software packages, Server configurations, Desktop configurations, Ghosting images, creating images, hardware experience and on and on, where you’ve proven yourself on short term and long term contracts anywhere from 30 days up to 8 months each (we won’t even go into the people relationships, cause it’ll take forever, but you have to be able to get along with every user you meet too so there are actually a lot of ‘people skills’ too)….   You’ve gone in there and assimilated the system and solutions they want you to use within a week or less, you’ve ‘picked up the slack’ and helped turn a place around and ‘get back on track’, your a Jack of All Trades but a Master of none….  Every contract is either extended or ends when scheduled and you go back out there to the ‘next’ interview…

Why all the contracts asks Mr. Interviewer,…   “Well see I’m an honest guy… and my family and I have been planning to move all the way across country for 4 years, but you have to wait for your spouse to finish the schooling she’s started for her career change”…  So I honestly told people that I was planning on moving in 2008, ergo I only get offers for contract positions…  No one wants to hire someone they know is going to walk out the door with all that specific knowledge of their network and systems configuration and basically ‘waste their time for the last 2 or 3 years’….  So I just keep plugging along and WORKING….  I am the ‘Henry Hill’ of the I.T. industry, I’m an earner…  That’s why they like me around…

OK so now you complete your move, you go out and get the same questions from Mr. Interviewer in your NEW location….  “Um, you have a LOT of different jobs listed here, why?”….  Same answer as previous paragraph, except now I’m here and it’s permanent, I want a permanent position….

Many employers don’t want to hire someone at my level with my skills because, get this, I am a SUCCESSFUL contractor…  They feel that I may decide to ‘walk out’ if I don’t like it because I’ve proven that I can be a successful ‘job seeker’…  Now I’ve never walked out on a job, ANY job, without notice….  Isn’t this EXACTLY the type of fact checking your ass is supposed to do during the ‘reference check’???   Why should I have to JUSTIFY being successful in playing the ‘cards I was dealt’….  See this is the type of reward you are given for all that honesty you were taught in the Boy Scouts…  Makes me want to go out and kick Cub Scouts so they never get that far with the indoctrination….

So all of these are just a FEW of the reasons the big news about the ‘Unemployment rate’ is one of the largest and laboriously created pieces of bullshit fiction since the Holy Bible came off the chained and bound ‘apprentice’ copiers desks approximately 2000 years ago…

Cause I’m actually an ‘in demand’ piece of equipment….  There are MILLIONS upon MILLIONS more American citizens who’s trade is not as forgiving, the opportunities don’t arise as often…  I’ve had friends who were clerks, accountants and in human resources who have gone from 6 to 18 months between positions…  And guess how much unemployment insurance they got????   $0.00, but I’m rounding UP….

The only people who have benefited from the outsourcing of personnel in America are the big business executives (who get their bonuses for ‘lowering’ cost by cutting permanent staff and the benefits cost savings from cutting that former staff), the pre-employment drug testing industry, outsource agencies (with all the bloated interview process time wasted for me that THEY get paid for and they keep a ‘cut’ of every dollar your making from the client company once YOU get hired…  Actually, yes they ARE legalized pimps…   You see a pimps love is different than a squares love…  wait that’s for a different post…) and the U.S. government who get their damned taxes from every check when you are working (including that good old unemployment insurance tax you’ll never collect on)….

So remember when those statisticians tell you,  ‘This information may be off by as much as “+/- 3 percent”….  The truth is that’s just a slimy way of them telling you the numbers ACTUALLY can be off by as much as 6 percent….   And that’s really only of the bullshit incomplete and incorrect numbers they have used to create their inaccurate and UNTRUTHFUL PowerPoint presentation….

Enjoy your coffee and danish…  And people wonder how I find the time to write and work on stand up….

The Republican party is now stealing Hollywood scripts….

I can blame my encyclopedic knowledge of obscure and horrid 80’s films for realizing the frightening truth of this conspiracy,….   my spouse feels a ‘dream job’ for me would be a ‘Beer Master/Film Critic’….

Over the course of the last few days, as Sarah Palin’s life has become the ‘open book’ that is American Politics….  I’m sure Jefferson, Washington and Adams would be thrilled with our progress….   In that we can smear ALL people much more efficiently now…

As a father of a kid with Down Syndrome I don’t much sympathize for her…  She’s chosen her career over a kid that needs extra care from the people who love him the most, my wife and I readjusted our lives and changed careers so we could have more flexibility to provide for him…  We didn’t expect it, but we’ve become a better family for it…

So her other kid’s pregnancy I can also relate to as that happened to me as well, I’m sorry for the daughter, I’m sorry for the boyfriend, the kid’s a hockey player, who’s getting a ‘shotgun wedding‘ (though his myspace page was great, as he was honest in saying he didn’t want a kid and of course they made him take it down, but I’m sure you could Google a story on it)…

So hearing all this I’m thinking “You know, the Republican party REALLY IS the traditional party.”…  I mean I haven’t seen a good forced marriage since I was in hillbilly country (southern Indiana, N. Kentucky)…  I mean I’ve had ‘corn squeezin’s‘ before, it’s great stuff too, once your vision comes back…

Some of my family’s most dysfunctional situations started out JUST like those kid’s so GOD BLESS EM  I say…  There aren’t ENOUGH angry young parents out there to beat their kid’s now a day’s right?

I’m also listening and it hits me…  This WHOLE THING is the script from one of Rob Lowe’s FINEST films of the 80’s ‘Youngblood‘, which also stars Cynthia Gibb, so YOU KNOW IT’s gotta be great…  Actually, I believe she is topless in this one so it may be worth viewing again on fast forward…  But that’s beside the point…

So now I’ve realized the DEPTH of the Republinazi’s conspiracy…  Spread the word people…  Keep your eye’s out in the news for upcoming sure fire moments from the Republican party…

I heard a woman on the news from Minnesota (don’t cha know)…  Talking about how she likes Palin cause she’s ‘entertaining’…  Great, this stupid bitch is going to vote for McCain cause she feel’s it’s the party that’s gonna give her more ‘Desperate Housewives‘ moments when she watches the news…  What the hell is wrong with the other citizens in my county???

It’s like they’ve (the RNC) directly lifted the passage from ‘The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy‘….  “The president’s REAL job is to distract people from where the REAL power lie”…. I’m paraphrasing of course, but it’s true here too SUCH an extreme and it’s like no one else is paying attention because it’s SCIENCE fiction…  If fucking Danielle Steele had written it there would be 55 million screaming housewives hanging effigies of McCain in the streets…

So remember keep looking for future moments out of the RNC from your favorite 80’s show’s and movies:

You’ll be seeing the ‘don’t do drugs’ episode of ‘Family Ties‘ or anything starring Kirk Cameron, though I gotta admit he PROBABLY signed over the rights to the RNC…

There will HAVE to be everyone’s FAVORITE ‘rock out’ montage moment from Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink Revenge of the Nerds or The Breakfast Club…

Look for John McCain, in silhouette, dancing his way through a barn and around dangerous farming implements ala Kevin Bacon in ‘Footloose‘….  By the way, it’s NOT REALLY McCain in the long shot’s, I just want to let you folks down in advance…

I’d say the RNC has ‘jumped the shark’ but jump the shark jumped the shark when they became popular right???

If there be God’s here….

If God’s existed they wouldn’t be this subtle in regards to the Republican National Convention…. Kind of ironic too considering some ‘religious’ guy was telling the ‘faithful’ to pray for a storm during Obama’s outdoor speech….  At least per Michael Moore, I haven’t been able to confirm that as of yet myself…

I mean I don’t believe in the god’s…..  but man karma is fucking cool!

–(Thanks to Honji for making me aware of this letter)

Republicans just don’t understand….

I just feel that this image PERFECTLY illustrates what most Republican voters don’t seem to understand….  AND let me tell you if you vote for McCain you’ll just have 4 more years of the same view with a different face…

I think that’s nuff said (to quote Stan Lee)….

John McCain to star in ‘Grumpy Old Men 3: Electric Boogaloo’

I used to actually like John McCain before he became the current GOP pussy that he is, I mean the guy USED to, or at least appeared to, have some moral fortitude (which is to say it seemed he had alot, at least when compared to the rest of the Republican chattel in American politics) and the balls to stand up against party politics….   If he hadn’t rolled over like a little bitch on roofies I might have even considered voting for him, but he could personally kiss my ass (in the crack WITH tongue) and still say goodbye to that wish now….

This man who once could have been a great president has become a Grumpy Old Man, read this interview with Time and you’ll see what I’m talking about…..   Go ahead, I’ll wait…..

Good now that your back, did you see what a dink the guy is now???….   This is a guy who used to say “No question is a bad question” and now he won’t even answer almost HALF of the damned questions asked by a reporter from Time Magazine?!?!?!….  I mean really these are softball questions and he’s just staring at the reporter?!?!?….   God I wish Hunter S. Thompson was still around and on those press junkets….  I mean that was a man that had the balls to give Nixon hell when the Republinazi’s had almost taken over America….

I’m sorry but the man’s just too OLD to be an effective representative of this country….  I mean he BELIEVED Gore when he said he invented the internet….  The guy is just completely out of touch, could it be that he’s in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, not that he ever really understood what most American’s lives are truly like….

He’s never had a job OUTSIDE of the government, he’s been on the federal teet since birth, through college (where he graduated 5th FROM THE BOTTOM OF HIS CLASS AT ANNAPOLIS), through the military (where he PROVED he deserved to be 5th from the bottom by getting shot down and not being able to evade the enemy, I’m positive there is a training program SPECIFICALLY for that purpose by the way), then every chance he gets now he likes to bring up the fact that he was a dumb ass who got caught for sympathy points (waaaa, I was a POW, oh YEAH well, waaa I was raised by a mentally unstable woman I think I win, he was only in Hanoi for approximately 5 years I was stuck in my situation for 17) , and then on into the political sector….

Where are the scum bags who gave Kerry (a legitimate American hero who won the Medal of Honor) all that crap back in 2004 and made him look like a dick versus Bush (a legitimate American criminal who did NOT complete his puss out Air National Guard duty cause it would have interfered with his coke binges and beer funnel time)….

Hopefully, John McCain will choke on his Viagra and give the rest of us some relief….

John McCain….Reach for the Stars America!

John McCain graduated FIFTH from the bottom of his class at Annapolis!….  I mean really, that sounds to me like he did WORSE in school than BUSH?!?!?!….  I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been TOO impressed with the last underachiever America hired for that gig,…..  I’m not so sure I want to continue on that PATH….

Let me put this into perspective,…. In graduating FIFTH from the bottom, this means that he was BARELY able to figure out how to BOMB someone accurately….  Let me say that again, HE HAD TROUBLE BLOWING SHIT UP CORRECTLY!!!….   And obviously with his flight record that FIFTH from the bottom shows….  What IT’S MY FAULT HE WAS SHOT DOWN NOW?!?!?!….  I wasn’t even BORN when he got shot down so I accept no responsibility for Mr. McCain’s ability, or lack there of ACTUALLY, to pilot an aircraft.  I mean at least Bush has the excuse of having had drugs destroy his brain and grade point average….  McCain went to school in the 50’s….  They didn’t have anything but sock hops and booze back then right?!?!?

All I’m saying is, if you really want Mr. McCain to DITCH AMERICA the same way he DITCHED that A-4 Skyhawk over the Nam back in 67, GO AHEAD, ELECT HIM, you’ll see!!!  Mark my words as my Mom used to say…

Guns, Guns, Guns…

I probably don’t have the most popular opinion on this topic, at least for this region, regarding guns or should I say gun ownership….  But then I come from a different background in regards to owning guns so if you’ll hear me out…. The problem isn’t legal gun owners of course it’s the people who are acquiring these tools illegally….  And that’s what they are they’re TOOLS when used properly they’re not dangerous….  No gun LAW is going to stop someone who is already getting a gun ILLEGALLY….  They already got it, they’re not going to go oh, it’s REALLY ILLEGAL NOW, I’m running right to the next ‘Kicks for Guns‘ promo and getting some NEW SHOES!!!…..  Unless they REALLY need some new shoes…  Like someone who’s toes are showing through, you know?

But then I was raised with guns, I got my first shotgun when I was 12!!….  I’ll be 40 this year….  And I never KILLED ANYONE,…. YET!…. But I also had to go to safety courses and all other kinds of stuff BEFORE I got that gun….  It’s about education and attitudes….  I don’t let my kids play with toy guns….  my 8 year old does target practice with a pellet gun,….  I know ‘You’ll put your eye out!’,….  but every time he touches it we go over safety….  I suppose I should also mention that I was a unit armorer in the Army, so let’s also note that I have PROBABLY had a LITTLE more exposure and a LOT more chances and opportunities to actually KILL an annoying supervisor than the average citizen….  And yet I resisted the urge…  WHY?…..   Ohhh I don’t know it’s perhaps this little thing I have about valuing human life and respecting the individual!!!!!….. Yeah all that and I don’t even believe in GOD….  Wow…  Amazing.  Which is KIND of ANNOYING sometimes cause I’m a GOOD SHOT too….  I was rated an Expert, great skill to have but it doesn’t really help with a job interview….  ‘Tell me about some special skill you have displayed in the past.’…..   Well I can cause a persons skull to EXPLODE with a rifle from 1000 meters!!!  When do I start?!?!?!

But honestly it’s the parents that haven’t taught these kids or young people, or as I call them MORONS cause age doesn’t matter to STUPID,….  to value life that’s causing all this gun violence….  I grew up all over this country, mostly in the mid-west and the south.  In places where the citizenry were  WAY more heavily armed than the local constabulary many times and yet none of us ever ACCIDENTALLY shot someone 7 to 10 times while we were driving down the street with our friends,… We were cleaning our guns,….  OOPS!!!  Why you may ask?…..  Cause the minute someone heard a nutcase was firing off rounds downtown everyone else would have been there to KILL YOUR DUMB ASS IN 30 SECOND FLAT!!!…  No shit, you’d have been dead BEFORE you had TIME to piss your pants, they shoot straight and fast out there!!!!

All I’m saying is let’s all just learn to practice a little restraint, right???….  Perhaps if we passed some type of LAWS to make ANGER MANAGEMENT mandatory to all the peoples of this great land there’d be a few more of us left ABOVE the surface of terra firma than BELOW it…. instead of arguing about Gun Laws….  Or at least there would be a few more to argue about it!

Maybe it’s because of all this extra knowledge I have of weapons that some films are starting to make me feel ancient…. (Segue into: Some films are starting to make me feel ancient)

Cheney’s Physical.

I read Dick Cheney, now there’s someone who takes his own name literally…. AND it’s appropriate too, I gotta admit it fits him!!!…. You know he reminds me of???….  Did you ever see the OLD Batman TV show?….  He sounds JUST LIKE Burgess Meredith as THE PENGUIN!!!….  WAACCK, WAACK, YEAH I SHOT MY FRIEND IN THE FACE… WAACK…

I read DICK had his annual medical physical….   I hope his doctor had fingers as big around as one of those DISGUSTING looking red pickled sausages that you see in the truck stops…  You’ve seen those things right?!?!!….  I can’t imagine the horrid, putrid, rotting stench that must come out of that damned jar each time they open it….   People must be walking in there smelling that shit for 2 days after they sell one of those things…  I have to say right now to any store owners here tonight…  is it REALLY worth all that for that ONE RANDOM 99 CENT SALE?!?!?!

Now that I think about it I hope Cheney’s doctor forgot to wash his hand and those big sausage fingers going into his ass smell like em too….  In fact I hope that all the current highly placed Republican party members have to use that same doctor DICK, Bush, McCain,….  I wish they would just line em up and then just run down the line….  POP, POP, POP…. IS IT JUST ME?

November 2008: A New Hope or The Empire Strikes Back, You Decide.

I’m both looking forward to this November’s Elections and fearing them like an abused dog when he hears his owners car in the driveway…. Comedians in general will of course miss Bush….  Someone that stupid is such a great source of material it’s kind of sad to see them go….  Of course on a personal note I’m planning on throwing a little soiree the minute Obama is inaugurated….  Nothing too big, we’re just taking out a little loan…. 70 maybe 80 thousand…. It’s been a frustrating 8 years.

Obama is of course who I’d like to see win personally…. After eight years of living under ‘The Empire’s‘ reign I’m ready to turn my back on ‘The Dark Side‘…. Yoda would be so disappointed in us all for allowing this past eight years to pass…..  not ONE REBEL UPRISING!!!…. What’s wrong with all of us?!?!?!?!

McCain is of course just a nightmare now…. Don’t get me wrong I respect the guy…. He did go through alot for our country…. I’m a Veteran myself so I really do appreciate his previous work…. But his more recent efforts, NOT SO MUCH…..  I was watching him give a speech the other day and he tried to tell a joke….  Then he laughed at his own joke and he just sounded CREEPY….  Kind of like that weird Uncle when you were a kid…  You know the one you suspected of being a pedophile whenever he laughed, but had no proof what so ever,…. That’s REALLY not the mental image we want our Chief Executive conjuring up every time he chuckles is it?!?!?!?!

Plus this guy is literally a ‘Dead Man Walking‘ right?!?!….  He makes Nancy Reagan look ATHLETIC!!!… Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t see the point in making the aged continue to work when their eligible for Social Security,…  Remember a vote for Obama is a vote for RETIREMENT!!!… Enjoy your golden years John, PLEASE, PLEASE go away and enjoy them!!!  If your looking for something to do I have two suggestions……  VIAGRA and YOUR WIFE!!!!!